Lit Circle 1 - Julia
1. What is your perspective of Sultan? How do your perceptions change as the book progresses and we see how he treats the women in his life? Should we judge him for his treatment of women if that is just part of his culture?
In the foreword and very beginning of the book, we see Sultan as welcoming, friendly, and an overall good guy. As Seierstad describes Sultan’s fight for his love of literature, we see him as heroic and a victim (12). We also see him acting as a “master,” ordering around the women in his life, along with hurting and disrespecting his wife (24). As women reading this novel, our perceptions definitively changed. We do understand that this treatment of women is customary in that culture; however, we struggle to overlook the ill-treatment, as we feel the pain of his first wife.
2. How did you feel about the brief mention of 9/11? Why did she make it so brief and what feelings did you get from the passage on page 22?
It was extremely surprising to see such a brief mention. I would guess that Seierstad kept it brief because that is not the focus of the book and she doesn’t want to bring in too much, politics and western conflict. This mention did give an interesting perspective, from the side of those in Afghanistan. By this point in the book, the reader already has gained a personal connection and emotional feelings towards the family, so when this is mentioned, the reader is likely to feel sympathy towards their perspective. Seierstad writes that “bombs rain[ed] down” on them, creating in the reader a sense of fear for them. Personally, this was not a perspective I thought much about.
3. On page 22, Sultan recites the quote, “To succeed you must sometimes be a wolf and sometimes a lamb.” Do you agree with this and how do you think we can apply it to our life?
This quote definitely relates to how people live their life. Life is all about choosing your battles. It’s not always possible to fight everything like a wolf, and sometimes one must sit back on certain issues and remain a lamb. Personally, I think that it is when something becomes unjust or infringes on individual’s human rights that one must act like a wolf and fight. This can be applied to anything in your life with issues concerning one’s parents, siblings, roommate, friends, school, teachers, employers, etc. Every individual must evaluate the things in their life and determine when it is necessary to be a lamb and when it is necessary to be a wolf.
4. In the last 7 pages of the “Crime and Punishment” chapter, Seierstad talks about Saliqa and Jamilia’s “crimes.” What did you feel she was really trying to emphasize and what was her purpose of giving it so much attention?
The stories enforced how these women are victimized for actions that many Americans don’t look very down upon. These stories show the mistreatment of women by not only the men but also by the other women. Seierstad most likely used these two stories because they are drastic situations which are surely to attract the reader’s attention and gain their sympathy for the women. Lastly, this passage shows why Sultan’s wife can’t have a voice because of the criticism and punishment she could face.
Lit Circle 2 - Sarah
1)Do you think a man would get in trouble for asking to marry the woman he fell in love with? Do you think the man got in trouble like Saliqa?Since this society is more uptight about women then men, we all agreed that they probably wouldn’t punish men if they fell in love with a women. Instead, they might punish the woman even if she didn’t directly do anything back (say the man made advances towards her). However with the guy Saliqa rode in a taxi with, there is no way we can tell without knowing some background on his family. There could be a chance that he was punished, but without enough information we cannot know for sure.
2)Despite all Sultan does to Sharifa, do you think that she loves him, or just doesn’t know what to do without him?
He never talks of her like he does Sonja, but we do feel like she does love him a little. He may be a bit of a convenience to her since she would be disgraced without him, but they did have a history together. She is most likely hurt that he would ever consider leaving her, and betrayed that he actually did, but nonetheless there is not much she can do about it. Plus when they are together they have a good time.
3)This chapter makes having two wives seem like an inconvenience (p.53), so why do you think most men go through with it anyway.
It is a sign of wealth in this region to possess more than one wife. However, a lot of the men grow tired of their old wives or they are not able to conceive anymore children, so they seek the aid of other women to bare their children. Having a large family, and multiple wives shows power in a society.
4)Do you think Sultan has any interest left in Sharifa?
We believe that he still does. There still seems to be some connection. They spent an entire evening conversing in the comfort of their home, and he likes the fact that she caters to him and seem to know what he needs. He finds certain comforts with her and others with his younger wife; they just differ significantly.
Lit Circle 3 - Lauren
How do you feel about the treatment of Bulbula? of Shakila? (Sultan "selling" his sisters).
-Bulbula and Shakila are both disrespected,especially Bulbula. Because she is cognitively and physically disabled, she is worthless in the eye of her brother and her mother. Usually the men pay for their brides, but for her, nothing. Her family gives her away. Shakila is not much better off because she has no voice in the matter. We understand that this is the culture, but still have a hard time understanding and sympathizing with it.
Do you feel there is any standing in the Taliban's 16 decrees? Feelings?
-The laws are outrageous. You literally can have nothing. In the United States, we have seen people, especially women gain freedom, but there, it seems that women and others are losing the freedom ever since the 1950s.
Since we are all women, how would you feel while wearing the burka? Like? Dislike?
-We would probably hate it. We wouldn't be able to see and it would get quite hot underneath. The plus side, however, is that it wouldn't matter what you looked like and that no one could see your facial expressions. There are positives and negatives to this issue, but we believe that after being raised in this country, we would probably feel very oppressed.
Lit Circle 4 - Rachel
1) On page 94 and 95, when the author talks about the evening before the big day, what do you think about the bride-to-be not being able to smile, cry, or participate in the celebration?
-In our society getting married is one of the happiest moments in life, so it was really shocking that the bride-to-be has to keep a straight face. At bachelorette parties it is expected of us to have fun and bond with female family and friends while still being single. Even though in the book the bride-to-be cannot show any emotions during the night before, in order to show respect to her mother and mother-in-law, the next day she is made over. By allowing the bride to get all dressed up with hair and make-up done, this makes up a little for not being able to show emotion.
2) On page 115 Bibi Gul talks about her younger son Farid being excommunicated from the family. Do you think it is right that Sultan has the authority to not allow the rest of the family to see Farid?
-Absolutely not, it is not right for one family member to not allow the rest of the family to see their relative. In the Afghan culture Sultan has the authority to ban a family member because he is the eldest male, but in our society every relative has their own opinion and can chose for themselves if they would like to see a family member or not. The feud between Sultan and Farid is silly also, the only reason Sultan does not like Farid is because Farid refused to work in one of Sultan's bookshop. For a mother not allowed to see her own son must be horrifying, so luckily Bibi Gul and other family members sneak out when Sultan is working and visit Farid.
3) On page 136 Mansur discovers his father, Sultan, is allowing him to make the pilgrimage to Mazar. What do you think made Sultan change his mind?
-Sultan may have changed his mind because he did not want his son to resent him. Mansur still did his chores and went to work when his father turned down his request, however he did it without any enthusiasm and he mopped around. Since this pilgrimage mandatory once during a lifetime for the Islam religion, Sultan may have thought since this must be done it will help Mansur get his head on straight. He had been getting into trouble lately, so this pilgrimage may make him mature faster.
4) Throughout the chapter, It Smells Like Dust, Mansur criticizes and makes fun of his aunt Leila. How do you feel about his tormenting when his aunt slaves away doing chores for him and doesn't talk back?
-She deserves a lot more credit than she actually gets. Mansur treats her like a slave rather than an aunt and every mistake she makes he makes sure to make fun of her. No one deserves to be treated like this. Mansur probably treats her like this because is the oldest son and feels power when he torments the women.
Lit Circle 5 - Julia
1. On page 185, it discusses how Sultan paid the parents more to spend a night with his sixteen-year old fiancé. He told the parents he wanted to “prepare her for the wedding night” because she was so inexperienced compared to him. How do you feel towards this situation, how the family accepted his offer, and the act that Sultan even made this un-heard of offer?
This part was very bothersome to all of us. One person even said it felt like prostitution, because Sultan was pretty much paying for sex. This is just one of the many situations that make us really dislike his character. Because of Sultan’s status in the community, his power, and his money, the family has no choice but to accept his offer. Sultan abuses his power over others, getting away with things others would be shamed or punished for.
2. Sonya talks about how badly she wants to have a son on page 186. She says she is “terrified it will be another daughter” and fears Sultan will take a third wife if her next child is another daughter. Why do you think having sons is so important in the Afghan culture?
Many reasons for why having sons is so valued in other cultures are for the reasons that they will carry on the family name, because they are more dominant, or someone to help the father with work. We believe that the reasons for why having sons are so important in this culture is that they are more highly esteemed, have more power, and can give the family more power. The women know that if they have a son, that son will have more freedoms than their daughter will. Additionally, they know that if they have a daughter, she will just leave the family when she gets older and become a part of another family when she marries. However, if they have a son, that son will always stay with the family.
3. What did you think of Sultan taking in his nephew Fazil but then kicking him out for no good reason? What do you think was Sultan’s intent in doing this?
At first it seemed very sweet that Sultan was letting his nephew lives with him and work at the bookshop. However, it was extremely disappointing when he all of a sudden, for no reason, said”I’m fed up with you. Go home,” (187) and Fazil was forced to leave. Sultan broke his promise to the family but there was nothing they could do. It seemed spiteful and an maybe just an act to remind them that he is the one in control and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
4. What did you think of the teaching styles illustrated at the end of the chapter “Can God Die?” where the teacher kind of “interrogates” and “drills” the students about religious issues and kills their confidence? On page 196, Fazil feels he “must surely be the stupidest boy in the class” and cries from the way he teacher treats him. Is there anything you thought was good about the teaching style?
First off, no one found anything good about the teaching style. None of us agreed with the way the teacher treated the students and taught. Throughout this book, we’ve seen how badly many of the kids want to get an education, and when they do go to school, it’s a bad experience in a hostile or uncomfortable environment. Also, the content of the lessons seemed like a lot of irrelevant information and was all centered around religion. Although this was a more extreme case, this scene did seem somewhat relatable. Many of us have experienced, at some time or another, feeling prepared for class but then not being able to answer the teachers questions in class.
Lit Circle 6 - Sarah
- How do you guys feel about Sultan making his twelve year old son work twelve hours a day instead of going to school?
We all agreed that we feel terrible about the situation he’s been put in, and also confused as to why Sultan won’t let any of his kids attend school. He himself acquired an education and seems very adamant about others doing so, yet he denies his own children the right to obtain this form of success. Instead, he finds that the only education they’ll need is incorporated into the family business; book selling.
- Do you think the punishment Sultan gave the Carpenter was too extreme?
Yes, definitely. He wasn’t deliberately trying to ruin Sultan’s business but rather provide for his poor family. Yet Sultan didn’t even take this into account even after being told so multiple times, and went out of his way to make sure this man had no essence of freedom. It was the angriest I think nay of us had been with Sultan because this man’s family was on the line and Sultan didn’t even care one bit.
- Why do you think Mansur went to Sultan about the incident if he knew he was going to over react?
Mansur wanted to take credit for the fact that he caught him, but he didn’t realize that his father was going to take it so far. Most of us do this as children, so we can relate to rating someone out, but with Sultan there should have been some assumption that he would take things to the extreme.
- If you were in the carpenter’s situation would you have done the same thing?
Everyone said that they would have done the same. With a family in that situation, I would do almost anything to ensure their safety, even if it meant risking myself. Julia especially agreed, but she would have taken the postcards more gradually as to not be so obvious (I concur, haha).
Lit Circle 7 - Lauren
Are journalists portrayed in a positive or negative light?
In these chapters, the journalists are portrayed somewhat in a negative light. The author makes it known that for just an interview, this man is not only putting his own life in danger, but also putting the life of an innocent man in danger. This man wants to get back to his family, but must follow the journalist because of his job.
Is the mother really as bad as she is made out to be? (Like Osama Bin Laden?)
We do not believe so. He lived a very protected childhood in which his mother hardly let him do anything. We believe that it may have come across as harsh, but she did it out of love. He was her only son, so therefore she just wanted him to be successful and live a full life.
Did you find it sad when the people in Afghanistan didn’t even know how to use a phone? Do Americans take that and many other things for granted?
We did find it sad. There are so many things in this book that people in America take for granted. The journalist didnt even give the people any mind when they were asking. It was like he felt so superior to the people just because he had a cellphone and they had never really seen one. Women especially take things for granted in the United States. They are able to do anything that they would want while women in other countries are not allowed to even leave the house.
What did you feel when the soldiers didn’t know what Osama Bin Laden looked like?
There is such a stereotype that all people living in the Middle East are part of the Jihad or love Osama Bin Laden. This just proves that many people do not even know what this terrorist looks like. It was surprising to our group, even. These people dont know about anything going on with this terrorist group and should not be placed in such a place of hatred by most Americans.
Lit Circle 8 - Rachel
1) How do you think it was possible for Karim to fall in love with Leila when he only saw her once and never talked to her?
In their society it is hard to get to know a person of the opposite sex, so if a male does find someone attractive he should go for her. Also, in our society this happens often as well. When we see an attractive male we fantasize about what he is like and tend to fantasize our "dream guy." Karim was not necessarily in love with Leila, he was in love with the way she looked.
2) Why do you think Leila refused herself to have any emotions toward Karim, yet she referred to him as her savior and accepted his letters?
Since Leila is not allowed to have emotions she was suppressing her feelings. She denied her emotions so she would not shame the family. However at the end of the chapter she became hopeful because she thought she was ending her life doing slave work. At the end of the chapter when she knew she was not going to marry Karim, the reader could tell she was very disappointed and did have real feelings.
3) Who do you think would have been a better match for Leila, Said or Karim? Her old life or a new life?
Karim would have been the better husband for Leila. She has worked hard her whole life slaving away for other people and with Karim as a husband she would no longer work so hard. He has a small family, and instead of doing chores Leila could have went back to school and got her teaching license. She would have been happier with Karim because he actually loved her and would treat her well. Leila deserves a break from all the hard work she has done, but with Said the workload would just get harder.
4) In the Epilogue the author states that the family split up and Sultan's mother, sisters, and brother went to live with Farid, the banned family member. Why do you think they split up so soon after the Seierstad left?
The Seierstad was in the company strictly to write the book about the family. So the the family wanted to make a good impression so the book was "sugar coated." Seierstad was sort of a hidden camera and the family acted more proper and civil while she was in their presence. As soon as the author left all the problems probably came rushing back into the family and they could not take the drama and fighting anymore so they split.
